Gas-master

I have the stinkiest baby on the planet.

There's just no arguing about it. The funny thing is that Alexander has his movements, on average, about once a week. No kidding. Maybe that's why he stinks so much.

When Michael was fully breastfed, his poop smelled like spoiled milk. In other words, not that bad compared to most adults after a beans-n-chili fest. But Alex...man, I don't know what I'm doing differently with my milk, but it ain't comin' out smellin' sweet.

But Alex also seems to be the happiest baby I've ever encountered too. Very smiley.

Which gives credence to that bit of wisdom:

Better an empty apartment than an angry tenant.

That should probably be on some fortune cookie fortune somewhere...

Holidaze

So I got back from my Thomas weekend to discover that Evan went and bought a fake tree. From Target. And LED Christmas lights. From Costco. That's the last time I leave that man alone for a weekend before the holidays. Now I have to go to Bath Body Works and buy that pine air freshener thing because, really, what is fake pine without the overpowering fake pine scent? I guess I could just decorate the tree with those tree-shaped car air fresheners.

Michael, of course, was just giddy and three-year-old-psycho-ecstatic. Especially with the lights wrapped around our stair banister, next to our fiber-optic two foot tree that we got last year.

OKAY, OKAY, we DID buy a mini fiber optic tree. From Target.

These are the sorts of wacko, I-can't-believe-we're-doing-this-but-he'll-love-looking-at-the-lights kinds of things you do when you have kids, okay? Yes, maybe our good taste and better judgement flew out the window once we saw how happy this kind of crap made our kid(s)...at least we're helping out China's economy.

Speaking of Target, their toy catalog came in the mail last week. This has to win the I-can't-believe-that-this-is-actually-a-toy award... Yes folks, they are charging $19.99 for a Superman cape with stereo speakers. Now I might be old-fashioned, but I remember the good ol' days when a kid, if he wanted to be Superman, took his beat-up blankie, safety-pinned it around his neck, and made his own swooshing noises. This device will probably be on the sale shelf come January along with the Fantastic Four Electronic Thing Hands (feet available too). The Darth Vader voice-changing-mask-with-breathing-effects probably won't be there though because...well, Darth Vader is just cool. Evan would probably want one.

One more thing to make me even more jaded during this retail season: the Walmart toy catalog. I was perusing this over at my folks' house. Included in the magazine are stickers that say "I want this!" or "Wouldn't mind this!" that your shopping-savvy-little-junior can stick all over the catalog (apparently the stickers were too small for "You don't buy me this, you're gonna see the mother-of-all-tantrums-for-the-next-three-weeks-MOM")

I'm glad my kids are still young enough that anything wrapped up in gift wrap is cool. And for Alex, well, just the gift wrap itself is a wild visual experience (but then again, that's what the fiber optic tree is for!)

Neurotic mother thought #267492

I've noticed a lot of flattened birds on the road in my area. I've actually seen a bird become road kill once. Can we say "explosion of feathers?"

My main concern is this: with all the flattened birds around, how am I going to know whether or not to report another oubreak of West Nile virus to the CDC? How do I know that these birds weren't run over by an SUV postmortem???

Toot toot chugga chugga

Was a wild and exhausting day for all of us. We went to ride on THOMAS! Well, we didn't actually ride on Thomas...more like behind him. I would think that the ride itself would be anticlimactic for a three year old. You're not actually riding Thomas, and when you're in the passenger car, you can't really see Thomas. And it's not like Thomas has a signature voice, so he's not talking to you either. So really, what you're doing is riding this rickety old passenger car for about fifteen minutes, staring out the window at beautiful, scenic Perris, CA, while adults try to overcompensate for the experience ("Ooooh! Look, let's wave frantically at everyone we're passing by on the train because dammit we've got to get our sixteen dollars' worth of train experience in somehow!!! Say hi to everyone, Trevor dearie!!!!").

Actually it was funny to watch parents' enthusiasm surpassing their kids'. This usually happens, I believe, at things like parades, visits with Santa/Easter bunny/etc., and events that parents can't believe they're shelling out the big $$$ for (can we say Wiggles concert??? At $50/ticket, including any child over 12 months, someone better be having a good time...)

I have to admit that the Thomas day wasn't that bad. The railway museum had lots of old cars, and working streetcars. I would probably take Michael back on a non-Thomas day to look around and talk with the grumpy old guys who volunteer. My son's favorite part? The signal garden-- a little garden where they had different types of railway signals and traffic lights that you could turn on with buttons. I think he spent about ten minutes here...my kid's a traffic light enthusiast-- really. He builds them with his Duplos, then lines them all up.

Evan is enjoying the weekend off. This is part of his birthday gift-- Friday evening, Saturday, and part of Sunday, kid-free. I asked him what the cash value of this would be...he said $200. Yeah right...not with two kids waking up at different times in the middle of the night (2am, 4am, 6:45am...). I think he's seeing Harry Potter and getting lots of sleep. Sad what becomes so absolutely wonderful and luxurious once you have kids (A trip to the grocery store without a toddler??? Woohoo! AND I can go and grab lunch without having to wait for someone to get tired of playing in the fountain??? All right!!!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVAN AND I EXPECT SOMETHING SIMILAR ONCE SMALL-AND-AWFUL-NUMBER-TWO WEANS!!!

Whoops, naptime is over. Next chapter-- toy catalogs in the mail. Yipe.

Holy matrimony Batman...

Today, as I was picking up Michael from preschool, he declared that he was going to marry Madison. Awww... I think it's only because they have cubbies next to each other. Now I know that the whole marriage thing wasn't Michael's idea-- it never is the guy's idea, right? My guess is that he was hooked into the game by one of his girl friends and ordered to marry someone. (Note: that is NOT how his Dad got married...although he does get ordered around a lot by bossy females...hmm...trend?)

Michael also received another invitation for another three-year-old's birthday party. I think it's one of those invited-the-whole-class-of-twenty-seven-kids kinds of parties. Yikes. Honestly-- what parent in their right mind would want to spend the Sunday after Thanksgiving entertaining twenty seven preschoolers? I have to ask Michael, "Do you play with this kid at school?" in order to determine whether or not to go, and is this kid a good enough friend that I'm willing to sacrifice a couple of hours to stand around with a bunch of parents that I don't know, watching twenty seven holy terrors get high on cupcake.

Probably not.

Alex has displayed his extreme dislike for the mall. That trait is also on the Y chromosome in this family. It's going to be a looooooong holiday season. Ever since Michael turned two, I've developed an extreme dislike for Hallosgivingmas (because that's what it really is now, isn't it?)...

I'm being paged. Alex is up.

Whaaa? A can of Ovaltine- a musical instrument- the redefined "dumb look!"

You gotta love kids programming...

Was watching Little Einsteins with Michael the other day. Apparently their rocket works when the characters pat their laps (and chant, "Pat pat pat pat..." to the rhythm of whatever classical hook du jour that they're drilling into your heads). We're all urged to pat our laps with the characters, raise our arms, sing along with Leo, Annie, June, and Quincy. What I love is this:

Leo: Can you help me find Rocket?
<<>>
Leo: Great! Clap your hands with me...

Of course, the whole time this is going on, my kid is just staring at the television in a CRT-induced stupor. I wonder what percentage of kids actually interact with the TV. I'm guessing that those that do are probably the "high energy" ones (you know which ones I'm talking about) that should probably be outside in the first place. Of course, that's probably better than CRT-induced stupor...

I have to admit, I do enjoy watching it myself though. But why-oh-why do they give the one character who isn't the best singer the majority of the singing parts? I end up with a classical hook in my head for the rest of the day, just off key enough to drive me nuts...

Oh, and other evidence that children have become accessories for some people. Yes, I would like to spend $200plus on a cashmere outfit for my baby...I'm sure that the curdled-milk-spitup just washes right out...

Do I sound a bit grumpy? Well I have good reason. Get this: because of vacation plans, Michael will probably be attending 9 days of preschool next month. So how much do I have to pay for a month? The full price for the month. Let's see...that amounts to $49.44/day or $12.36/hour. And they wonder why people don't put their kids in preschool...

Test post one...random thoughts

Michael's feet look HUGE. Alex...well, that baby just ain't photogenic (neither was his brother). He looks better in person. We all do, probably. I sometimes wonder if parents are wired to think their babies are cute as an evolutionary tactic to keep us from abandoning them somewhere...

Am watching Amazing Stories and finishing off Costco bag of Halloween candy. Lots of Snickers Fun Size left. Here's how you don't lose that baby fat-- you sit around, nurse, and finish off leftover pumpkin pie, Halloween candy, and-- oh-- almond croissant from Whole Foods that you bought as an impulse-I'm-starving-while-shopping purchase.

Ways to spend oodles of money: buy new TV, buy custom built cabinet for brand new TV, hire someone to steam clean the spitup stains out of your carpet, hire someone to fix that leaky faucet in the tub, hire someone to watch your kid a few hours a day so that you could watch another kid a few hours a day... To Do List: hire somone to steam clean the spitup stains out of carpet, hire someone to fix that leaky faucet in the tub, find ways not to spend too much money...

Saw 2005 version of P&P. Let's hear it for dirt!!! The authentic lighting of the time was appreciated (dark, except for candle/lanternlight), even though some things weren't quite period. Still liked all the dirt though. Missed all the caricatures-- didn't have time to fully include them all.