The Daily Spitup

Grrr...

2009-01-06T08:37:00.000-08:00

Me (to Alex, handing him an animal cracker): What do you think this is?

(Kinda like a weird-shaped rabbit-headed horse...goat?)

Alex: Uh...a cookie.

(Duh, Mom...)

Classic Elf Yourself

2008-12-21T09:06:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

No, DISCO!!!

2008-12-20T17:30:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Maybe the country is better?

2008-12-20T17:22:00.000-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

2008-11-21T09:19:00.000-08:00

Your daughter is running through the house naked, wreaking havoc.

Now imagine that same statement, sixteen years later.

BIG difference.

SAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!

2008-11-20T00:33:00.000-08:00

In the past few weeks, Sam has managed to break:

- her floor lamp (glass shade, it figures...shattered that one all over her carpet)
- one of my big 12 ounce drinking glasses (shattered that one all over the kitchen floor).

She also gets into the Tupperware cupboard, saucepan drawer, and laundry basket. Today I had to keep her from crawling on the pool table (Alex has been playing with the pool balls and left the step stool next to the table). She has also gotten into the fireplace, and thrown about the bits of fluff that are supposed to help the ceramic log radiate heat. (At first I thought it was a REALLY big dust bunny, but nope).

I'm trying to be vigilant and have a glass-free three foot radius around this kid. But it's hard. She's quick, determined, and mean. (Just like her mama...?) She frequently crawls over her brothers and parents if they're lying down on the floor.

Evan has nicknamed each of the babies.

Michael was/is (depending on the time of day and his craziness level) Captain Awful.
Alex is the Lord of Evil. (We still love him, of course...)

Sam shall henceforth be known as Destructo-baby.

Who'd have thought that we'd have to babyproof the house for the THIRD kid! You would think that as parents of two other kids, we'd have gotten adequate practice to prepare for her.

We didn't. I've got to stock up on plastic tumblers now.

All about Alex...

2008-11-17T10:13:00.000-08:00

There are some things that I have to jot down about my middle child before senility makes me forget.

- We were passing by the Reagan Library, and Alex was struggling to remember the word "museum." It was a lot of "That building...that building...that building..." while his little brain was struggling to come up with the word.

I finally told him, "Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Mu-seeeeeee-ummmmm!"

"Yeah, museum. Mom...Barack Obama sleeps there."

Well, I guess when he's in the area...he'll have a fine view of our development and former Air Force One.

The logic that Alex used to come up with that conclusion definitely does make sense though. It's a presidential library and museum, therefore, you must have presidents there. I didn't want to get into the whole "president-elect" status details...

- The kids have heard much about Obama because we are a fully blue, Democratic household. Evan frequently jokes about how our kids could be gay, transgendered, video game addicts, dictators of small South American countries...but if they're REPUBLICAN, they're out of the house. Well, who would be the ONE kid that I would catch chanting, "John Mc-CAIN! John Mc-CAIN! John Mc-CAIN!"

Alex, "contrary" is your middle name. Or it should've been anyway. Although I have to give the kid points for knowing the Republican candidate's name. And how much it would probably cheese off his dad if he chanted it repeatedly.

- When washing hair now, Alex insists on using "air conditioning" on his head after his shampoo.

Oh, Alex...

Kookie Krazy...or just plain krazy...

2008-11-14T00:15:00.000-08:00

So today I had Alex and Sam. We went to a Moms Club activity at this place called Kookie Krazy. Imagine Coldstone Creamery, except instead of ice cream, you get raw cookie dough. And you bake it after you mash it all up together. Sounds like a wonderful experience to have with your small children, doesn't it?

Well, imagine it thusly...

Child #1 is prone to wandering around the store without any fear, scoping out the back room where a DVD is playing, not exhibiting ANY interest in what the store actually SELLS. Child #2 is extremely grumpy and tired of being confined to the stroller. Exhausted Mother buys THREE balls of cookie dough, thinking that she will make one for the third child who is at school.

Exhausted Mother somehow manages to balance and carry three pie tins of cookie dough and mix-ins to a table while pushing the stroller with bellowing child #2. Child #1 is hopefully somewhere in the vicinity.

After Child #1 is coaxed to the table with a carton of milk, Child #2 starts to scream in an attempt to force Exhausted Mother to extricate her from stroller-strappy-belt prison. Child #2 is taken out of the stroller.

Exhausted Mother is now left with only ONE free hand to somehow mash together cookie dough, Kit Kat bits, and Kissables, while simultaneously trying to keep Child #2 from grabbing the whole plate and flinging it to the floor. Child #1 is sipping milk, engrossed in Toy Story 2, and not noticing cookie dough at all.

Exhausted Mother has now moved on to mashing together the second ball of cookie dough (sugar) with chocolate chips (her reward for bringing Child #1 and Child #2 to Moms Club event). Child #2 is fed bits of cookie dough (Pasteurized! No worries!) to keep her from grabbing chocolate chips. Child #1 is still oblivious of anything other than movie.

Exhausted Mother finally realizes that similar to prior strawberry picking excursions, art activities, and crafts, she will end up doing the work that Child #1 was SUPPOSED to be doing for some sort of enriching, tactile experience. Smoosh, smoosh, done. Okay, so only one side of the cookie has M&Ms...it's done.

Exhausted Mother's left hand has raw cookie dough all over it. Child #2 is eyeing M&Ms. Child #1 still hasn't moved.

15 minutes cooking time later...

Child #1 isn't even interested in finished product. Apparently this kid does not like dessert.

Child #2 ate a third of Exhausted Mother's cookie reward.

Exhausted Mother needs a mojito.

What cracks me up is the owner of the store was there telling me how it was such a great one-on-one activity to have with the kids, to make memories of time spent together, to really bond...

Ummm, yeah.

Good cookies though.

Gettin' out the vote!

2008-11-04T20:56:00.000-08:00

YAY!

I'm tingling. I didn't expect this feeling, but there they are-- goosebumps.

I took Alex and Sam with me to witness the electoral process. As I was filling out the ballot, the booth started shaking and my lines started to get more and more crooked. Alex was goofing off with Sam and causing the booth to wiggle. If my vote doesn't count, can I blame it on my three year old?

After dinner, the boys were watching CNN/MSNBC with their dad. Every time a state showed up blue, they'd parade through the kitchen shouting, "OH-BAH-MA! OH-BAH-MA!"

We have a long road ahead of us-- the acceptance speech at Grant Park was just inspiring. Something we hadn't had in a while.

I wonder how much the boys will remember from this historic night.

Happy Halloween

2008-11-01T00:07:00.001-07:00

I DID IT! And so many people doubted me...the pumpkins were carved, lit, and placed by the door. We actually did a pretty good job on the candy inventory too (gave enough of it away that we dipped a bit into the kids' supply...which they didn't seem to mind. Who gives Whoppers though??? I mean, do kids nowadays really eat Whoppers?) The beautiful part of Halloween this year was that Michael was very enthusiastic and excited to answer the door. Even Alex was eagerly chanting "Customers are here! Customers are here!" whenever the doorbell rang. The only problem was that Michael seemed to have some sort of third order differential equation in his head when it came to distributing the candy. He had to select each handful very carefully, making sure to give a well rounded variety of chocolate and that the quantity was equal...the poor trick-or-treaters were waiting minutes for what usually was a five second handout.

Eventually he just started inviting everyone in and telling them to pick their favorite out of the bowl. I wasn't too thrilled about that either, so we had to educate him on the acceptable Sherbrooke protocol on passing out the Halloween candy (They don't get to pick. They don't get to come into the house. It shouldn't take five minutes to hand out candy to three people.). I suppose it showed his generosity of heart...either that or he got lazy. Both are plausible.

The Force is strong with this one...and this one...this one, not so much...

2008-10-31T19:47:00.001-07:00

The Yoda outfit is a riot. Especially when you consider Alex is perfect Yoda size.

Tagine or not tagine...

2008-10-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

So I ventured into the culinary unknown today, and cooked up a recipe by Emeril for a North African Chicken Tagine. Don't know what inspired me to go Moroccan, but it involved me hunting down some preserved lemon at a Middle Eastern foods store (while I was there I picked up some rose water and pistachios in nougat-- yum.). The dish involved cardamom, cinnamon sticks, cumin, aforementioned preserved lemon...just a bunch of things that we Buitoni pasta people would consider faraway and exotic. The aromas that came wafting out of the pot were just wonderful.

Then the real test.

Serving it to three already impatient and very hungry children. (I took longer than anticipated to cook up the dish. The problem with all these Food Network recipes is that when they say "35 minutes cook time," they neglect to include the "one and a half hours it takes a non-chef-type-person-to-assemble-everything-else-time.")

Now my kids are not the most adventurous when it comes to foods. Michael's getting better, but if you asked Alex what he wanted to eat for dinner, 99.9% of the time, he'll tell you "white bean chicken chili." That's it. You could take my kids to a three star Michelin restaurant, and they'd be disappointed that they wouldn't be seeing any tires. Or traffic lights.

Luckily the response to dinner was fairly positive.

Michael: UMMMMMMM! It's actually GOOD! [Ed. note: I think that he was fairly hungry at this point.]

Alex (after picking chicken bits off of couscous): Is this a good dinner?

Sam: ... [Ed. note: Actually, Sam was just stuffing her mouth with apples, peas, and chicken.]

Well, I take that back about all the kids being picky. So far, Sam seems to pretty much happily eat anything you offer her (Hot Wheels cars included), so I'm hoping that she takes after her mother in this department and at least tries everything.

But I can't complain-- they finished off most everything except for the couscous, which was probably sitting in the pantry a little too long, so I excused them that. They also had peas and apples on the side. A fairly balanced meal.

Lesson #1 learned: Starve 'em, they'll probably try anything.

Lesson #2 learned: Couscous is right up there with sand and those little non-pareils as far as sweep-ability. I'm probaby going to be finding couscous on my kitchen floor weeks from now.

Smoothie operator

2008-10-28T21:16:00.000-07:00

Sam loves her smoothie.

Another trip to the doc...

2008-10-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

As I was leaving the doctor's office yesterday, I joked, "Well, hopefully you won't see us again with the other kids..." Little did I know!

Alex was up quite a bit last night. Initially we just figured it was Alex being disgruntled or having a nightmare. But this morning we heard the wheezing, and saw his little body struggling to breathe. It sounded like the teeniest little bellows in his chest. Evan called the doctor on call (ours is on vacation this week!) to bring him in for an appointment. They checked is O2 levels, and they weren't very good. So he had to get nebulized (is that even a word?) at the office. It's like a medicinal hookah, as far as I can tell. He recovered enough to be sent home, but only after a couple of hours. We then went and got our own nebulizer and medication. Something new to put next to the Neosporin in the medicine cabinet.

Hopefully the little guy recovers soon. Asthma isn't very pretty, especially when you're watching a little three year old struggling for each breath. He couldn't even move around a lot today, he was so focused on getting air.

It really makes me wonder about the poor souls who can't afford to get the equipment...I couldn't imagine standing by, unable to do anything because we couldn't afford the nebulizer (which, by the way, is not covered by our insurance plan. Sucks.).

Three little monkeys on a Plasmacar

2008-10-23T01:06:00.000-07:00

Aches and Pains

2008-10-22T20:05:00.000-07:00

Number one baby stayed home from school today with an ear infection. His first reaction when I told him that he was going to stay home? "I won't be able to turn in my library book today!" (Gramma S. would be proud.) Then, "I have to do the CALENDAR in school!" (I guess this is some sort of classroom duty, and it's his week to update the calendar with the date and weather.)

Number two baby is coughing. A lot. Hopefully he doesn't follow Big Brother's lead and get an ear infection too.

Number three is just snotty. Snotsicles, snot-terfalls, snot-on-my-shirt...ugh.

Cold/flu season has officially arrived.

They are getting to know me very well at the doctor's office. I was there yesterday to pick up extra urine sample collection bags for Sam. For her one year checkup, they want a few drops. Just a few drops. You would think that this would be an easy task. To date, I have already gone through four different collection bags. These little torture devices have an adhesive and you stick 'em...well, you know where. With my boys, NOT AN ISSUE. With Sam, I might have to go to the doctor's office to request more baggies. They're gonna think that I'm inhaling them or making balloon animals...

...but yes, I'm still thankful I have my girl. Really! I'm just looking forward to the day that she can pee in a cup by herself.

Pumpkin patchwork

2008-10-18T20:55:00.001-07:00

The guys...

the baby...

the wagon ride...

Went to our local farm for their Harvest Festival. I think all the "city folk" from LA/Valley drove in for a taste of the country and farm life. Counted the following at the Harvest Festival:

3 other Phil & Ted's E3s in doubles configuration
2 Mountain Buggies
2 Bugaboos
3 Obama t-shirts, including a little girl's that had a sheep on it and said "Obaaaaaama"
1 "No on Prop 8" shirt (yay!)

Purchased one big, oblong pumpkin to carve. Really. I'm going to carve a jack-o-lantern this year. I feel that if I look at this as a "culinary exercise" instead of an "amuse the children but end up doing all the work yourself" type of enterprise, I might summon up the energy to actually do it. Pepitas anyone?

Ketchup

2008-10-18T15:55:00.000-07:00

Wowwee...look at the time. Let's see, in the time since my last entry, I've:

popped out another baby,
acquired some new family members (Auntie Alexis, niece Madison, and cousin Hikaru)
said farewell to a few family members (Gramma Malilay and Bubby),
sent a kid off to public school,
sent another kid off to preschool,
gained a lot of weight,
lost some of it (ten pounds left???? It's all water retention...)
signed up for Facebook,
climbed Kilimanjaro to see the last remaining pieces of ice left.

Okay, so I didn't trek up Kilimanjaro...unless you count the Kilimanjaro-sized load of laundry that needs to be put away. I guess I should start with Sam...oh, Sam. Sam is what some would call a surprise, others a blessing, and yet others, an "Erin-don't-you-know-about-birth-control-yet???" Yes, I had my teen pregnancy at 33. Yes, I've since learned the wonders of birth control. Very well, thank you.

But now we have SAM! (Samantha Kyomi Sherbrooke) Her middle name we made up (kyou - the character for "surprise" in Japanese, mi - beauty...thus our little "surprise beauty"). She's the easiest baby of them all...so far, and she fits in quite nicely in the zoo that is our household.

She's already ONE now. (Boy, I'm really bad at the blog thing) Her birthday was September 25, 2007. So actually, right after my last post, I probably discovered our little bun cooking in the oven.

The boys, fortunately, haven't done her in, and she is quite capable of holding her own.

Michael has started FIRST GRADE already at Flory, a "science and technology magnet school." And believe me, they do A LOT of science. Ask him to sing the water cycle song to you sometime.

Alex is going to Pinecrest now, Michael's old preschool. I think he's given more attitude to the teachers than his older brother did, but that's Alex. We were having a tough time of the twos, but shortly after he hit three, he started to mellow into a funny little guy.

Evan has started YET ANOTHER company, and he's still holed up in his office and comes out for the occasional diaper change, or watch-the-baby-while-I-run-to-the-bathroom moments.

And me, as usual, I'm just trying to get by. Maybe I'll actually be good about the blog this time around. My excuse for stopping last time was that last pregnancy test...boy, was it a doozy...

Oh, and for the record-- Michael is pooping in the potty. From my posts, it sounds like he never learned. Alex is almost there, but not as much drama and grief about the whole thing. I guess one advantage of being the second/third kid is that the parents are less freaked about body fluids leaking on the kitchen floor...

New Year's Resolutions

2007-01-11T09:42:00.000-08:00

1. Be more patient.
2. Complain less (Evan's reply, "Yeah, right...").
3. Write in the blog more... (my reply, "Yeah, right...")

Update on the kiddies...well, here's a pic. Alex still looks a lot like Buddy Hackett to me.

2006-06-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

Hmm...what cute and amazing thing have my kids done today?

Well, Michael has turned four and still can't poop in the potty (okay, that might be amazing, but definitely not cute). He had his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese complete with ice cream cake and pizza. I also brought cupcakes to school on Monday. When-oh-when is this going to end? On the one hand, it was all a definite step down from the birthday party at the Santa Barbara Zoo last year, but on the other hand it was still more planning than I wanted to do. I'm so lazy.

Alex is now rolling all over the floor. I can't leave him alone for too long now. The other day I went to the bathroom/switch the laundry load, and I came back to find him chewing on something. I reached my finger in and found part of the warning/information label on the side of his infant carseat that he had peeled off and put in his mouth. He had rolled over to the edge of the room where the carseat was and proceeded to fiddle with this sticker until some of it came off. Eeew! And I'm worried about deli meat???

He's getting cuter, but still loud when thwarted.

2006-06-01T16:42:00.000-07:00

Gas grill: $629.10
Delivery: $55.00
Cost of natural gas hookup (parts and labor): $106

Natural gas grill: $679.10
Delivery: $55.00
Return of propane grill that your husband didn't mean to buy: -$629.10

Realizing that having a PhD doesn't mean that he can always do the math: priceless

Was looking forward to grilling this weekend. Don't think it's going to happen. Yes folks, Evan bought the wrong grill. The lady from the gas company pointed out after she had attached the valve and connector to the house that it looked like our grill was outfitted for propane. Thought Lowe's delivered the wrong grill. Upon closer inspection of the receipt, it looks like Evan made the mistake. Unleash the fury of a woman de-grilled.

He claims that he told the guy at the register that he wanted NG (vs. LP), but I reminded him that just because you say "gas grill," doesn't automatically mean natural gas. I'm refraining from remarks about university degrees don't always mean common sense.

We'll see if he can fix this.

2006-05-31T23:01:00.000-07:00

Mr. Happy and Mr. Grumpy
Originally uploaded by fujimoo.

Yin and yang...black and white...the dark side of the force and the light side...Mr. Happy and Mr. Grumpy (guess which is which...)

x2 the fun

2006-05-30T23:20:00.000-07:00

This is just a fact of life:

No matter how hard you try, you absolutely, positively CAN NOT raise both kids the same way.

As far as I can tell, the lot of the second child is being relegated to travel tote for parent as he/she jets from one activity for child #1 to another. Naps? Good, healthy eating habits? CONSISTENCY? Ha-HAH! I laugh. To date, Alex has already, at the tender age of (almost) ten months:

- sucked on an In-N-Out french fry (I draw the line at McD's!!! Like that makes a difference...),
- still not established a regular nap schedule...bad Mommy...baaaaaad Mommy,
- learned how to use a straw (thankfully not with a frappuccino...like his brother) and had consumed almost a third of a Trader Joe's apple-grape juice box before Mommy realized that what he was doing.

I'm so much more lax about whatever he sticks into his mouth than with Michael (did it fall on the floor? Oh well...just rinse it at the drinking fountain) . With Michael, I was even late giving him baby food. With Alex, I didn't think that the Cheerio could *possibly* be a choking hazard, so I stuck some in his mouth at seven months. Those things would dissolve before the oxygen supply to his brain got dangerously low, right?

Alex, also, hasn't shown any inclination of crawling/moving/scooting/commando-crawling. He certainly shrieks/complains/yells/hollers a lot more though. Is this part of that "second child self-sufficiency and independence?" If nobody's going to pay attention, then gosh-darnit he's going to take matters into his own hands and make sure someone's going to pay attention? It's effective...but sure makes going out to eat a lot less likely.

Oh, and one other thing. If I had a nickel for every time Michael woke up his sleeping brother, I'd hire a frickin' nanny to deal with the two of them...

Grills just wanna have fun...

2006-05-26T15:42:00.000-07:00

Just received word that my oh-so-very-when-are-you-gonna-go pregnant friend is feeling weird. I've gotta man the phones, in case she doesn't have anyone to watch her three year old if she goes into labor. We went to the outlets today to peruse whatever "Memorial Day sale specials" there were to be had before the crowds got there. Nada. My guess is her little girl-to-be thought, "Okay. Done with shopping. I can come out now..." I think my friend is ready. She's tired of the waddle.

Speaking of Memorial Day sales, we're going to finally go shopping for an outdoor grill! We must be the last people in Southern CA who don't own a grill. We have this wonderful backyard, we *do* enjoy the occasional hot dog and burger (and I like them ribs!!!), and we have beautiful weather. You would think that we'd have a grill by now. Evan claims that we won't use it. Well, it's kind of hard not to use if you don't have it to ignore in the first place. But he finally relented, deciding that this was going to be our Mother's/Father's day gift. Yay! I'm going to throw a teach-us-how-to-use-this-thing party for my BBQ-guru friends. I'll provide the raw meats and marinades, they show me how to not burn my eyebrows off.

We're probably going shopping for this thing on either the best or the worst time to go too...I mean, there's all these "Memorial Day specials," but if everyone else is in the market for a grill, wouldn't they get marked up more than usual? shrug...

I'll keep you posted if we actually make this purchase. I'll also keep you posted if we do the natural gas hookup wrong and our house blows up.

Shave and a haircut...

2006-05-25T15:54:00.000-07:00

Phew!

It's been a while since I posted. That Hawaii trip last year must've been a doozy. Well, since then, we've been back again (better trip this time 'round although I've sworn off of redeye flights with small children forever), Alex has finally gotten six teeth out (four on top, two on bottom), Michael has been on and off with the naps, and is *still* not pooping in the toilet. Believe me, when he finally gets that, we'll be throwing a party up the wazoo.

Alex went for his first haircut yesterday. It wasn't the best job, but then again, what do you expect with a kid who's squirmy even *without* the shears next to his head? As usual, the second kid gets less respect and sympathy-- he was screaming and trying to get away from the poor woman and her clippers, and all I could do was laugh. With the first baby, I might have felt really bad or freaked out about all the screaming, but this time around it was just HI-larious. A friend came along to document the event...most of the photos are a blur of nine month old head movement, but here's one that you can actually see the anguish.

And in the end, resignation...he looks like he's just gone through a tornado. I've tried to comb it to the side to hide all the crooked edges, but no success. Oh well. Another picture to show the girlfriend when he's sixteen.

Speaking of pics to embarass Alex, how's this next one? The poor kid got some sort of virus from generous big brother, and had a horrible night. When I first uploaded this one, I thought, "I've felt like that before..." He looks like he's suffering from a hangover. The drool, I believe, is a side effect of the illness (throat related). He looks like he should be in one of those allergy commercials. All I need is a photo of his four butt cheeks (you know how some people have multiple chins? Well, Alex has multiple butts...) and I'm set in the embarassing-photo department...

Aloha Oy

2005-12-27T01:55:00.000-08:00

Just back from Hawaii.

Must get some sleep.

One thing is for sure: travelling with TWO ain't twice as hard as travelling with one. It's much much worse.

Especially when children get diseased at different points in the vacation.

Zzzz...

House of Sand and Snot

2005-12-08T15:36:00.000-08:00

So lately Michael has been playing in the sandbox...

FOUR MONTHS that kid has been going to preschool, and only NOW does he discover that big pile of sand on the playground??? The unfortunate thing is that sand is one of those things that can only be brushed off when it's in the most inappropriate place...say, like our brand new minivan.

Or his bed. Yes, I discovered sand all over his bed the other day. I guess I didn't thoroughly brush him off before naptime. People pay oodles of money to have their bodies exfoliated with granules of sugar or the like, but my kid is getting it for free in his construction truck sheets.

So, for those of you who have just started the child-rearing or are planning to:

There comes an age when you must strip your child down to his undies in the garage every time you come home from an outing. That age is when he discovers the sandbox. And even then, you'll still want to double check the undies...

I think our garage door is almost like beachfront property sometimes...

I'd strip Michael in the backyard, only, baby, it's cold outside. 'Tis the season for perpetual runny noses as well. And one of those weird, OCD things that mothers develop is the obsession with keeping their children's nasal passages clear. Nothing is more annoying to a mother than one of those green boogies just on the edge of the nostril. You know, the ones that wave in and out as the child struggles to breathe through his snot-crusted nose. We've been having lots of those around here, and as Michael is so generous with his little brother, Alex has developed some waving-in-the-wind type boogies as well.

The tools we use for excavation:
Kleenex (wring a corner into a Q-tip shape technique) - Appropriate, after all, that is what Kleenex is for. Downside, not a lot of control and not stiff enough to really dig. You end up just sort of twirling it around inside the poor kid's nose, and if you're lucky, something will stick to it and come out.

Q-tip - Incredible precision and control completely negated by huge wad of cotton. Add to that the danger factor (that .0000000000001% chance that you're going to get bumped in the back by a runaway shopping cart full of detergent which will cause you to force the Q-tip up the kid's nose and into his right lobe.) Not recommended.

Bulb - A parent's favorite, a child's nightmare. My logic - "It's the absolute reverse of blowing his nose!!!" Usually can see results as well (which you need to empty into a Kleenex). The child, unfortunately, has to suffer through the sensation of getting his eyeballs sucked out through his nose. Add to that the fact that usually parents are manic/obsessive about using this, it makes for a bad experience overall ("One more suction, that'll get that congestion I hear way way way way up there!")

And the one that affords the most control, the most precision, and the biggest ick factor...

Pinkie nail!

I'm just telling it like it is, folks. You know you've done it. You just don't want to admit it.

HaHA!

2005-12-07T08:57:00.000-08:00

Dynamic Duo 4
Originally uploaded by fujimoo.

Okay. Just had to post two things.

A funny pic of the dynamic duo...and what the whole Santa experience really is like...

2005-12-04T01:39:00.000-08:00

wilbanks - ' wil - ba[ng]ks v. To stare with wide eyes, in a manner like Jennifer Wilbanks'. Not necessarily indicative of jilting or fake-your-own-abduction tendencies.

Note: The second image is actually Michael's wilbanksin' moment caught on film, at seven months. Alex...well, let's just say that the baby was almost born astonished. Ahh, the wide-eyed innocence of youth...

Four months out

2005-12-02T23:57:00.000-08:00

Something nobody tells you about after the baby arrives...

You start shedding the massive quantities of beautiful, full, lustrous hair you built up during your pregnancy. I guess Mother Nature figured that if your mate isn't going to run away and abandon you before the four month mark, he's probably going to be a good provider and stick around to help feed the new little milk-guzzler. So what's a little bit of hair loss? If sleep deprivation and postpartum hormonal swings didn't scare him off, nothing will...

...except for what I've swept off the bathroom floor. And the kitchen floor...and the entryway...

In other news, Michael is once again a free man. Madyson (yes, with a 'y') has apparently run off with CJ. He was very matter of fact about it-- "Madyson isn't married to me anymore. She married to CJ. Where's my umbrella?"

Parapluie is more important. And why not? I'm sure Madyson would do a terrible job keeping Michael dry in the rain.

Alex is possibly gaining teeth, which means that his capacity for drool has increased 400% in the past couple of weeks. Yet another bodily fluid I get to wipe up-- yay. With all the toxic substances (spitup/snot/pee/poop) that mothers have to deal with, I'm amazed that we couldn't just round up a bunch of moms with wipies to clean up after Chernobyl.

Okaaaaay, maybe it's not that bad.

But we've already gone through hair loss...

Gas-master

2005-11-28T14:01:00.000-08:00

I have the stinkiest baby on the planet.

There's just no arguing about it. The funny thing is that Alexander has his movements, on average, about once a week. No kidding. Maybe that's why he stinks so much.

When Michael was fully breastfed, his poop smelled like spoiled milk. In other words, not that bad compared to most adults after a beans-n-chili fest. But Alex...man, I don't know what I'm doing differently with my milk, but it ain't comin' out smellin' sweet.

But Alex also seems to be the happiest baby I've ever encountered too. Very smiley.

Which gives credence to that bit of wisdom:

Better an empty apartment than an angry tenant.

That should probably be on some fortune cookie fortune somewhere...

Holidaze

2005-11-24T02:30:00.000-08:00

So I got back from my Thomas weekend to discover that Evan went and bought a fake tree. From Target. And LED Christmas lights. From Costco. That's the last time I leave that man alone for a weekend before the holidays. Now I have to go to Bath Body Works and buy that pine air freshener thing because, really, what is fake pine without the overpowering fake pine scent? I guess I could just decorate the tree with those tree-shaped car air fresheners.

Michael, of course, was just giddy and three-year-old-psycho-ecstatic. Especially with the lights wrapped around our stair banister, next to our fiber-optic two foot tree that we got last year.

OKAY, OKAY, we DID buy a mini fiber optic tree. From Target.

These are the sorts of wacko, I-can't-believe-we're-doing-this-but-he'll-love-looking-at-the-lights kinds of things you do when you have kids, okay? Yes, maybe our good taste and better judgement flew out the window once we saw how happy this kind of crap made our kid(s)...at least we're helping out China's economy.

Speaking of Target, their toy catalog came in the mail last week. This has to win the I-can't-believe-that-this-is-actually-a-toy award... Yes folks, they are charging $19.99 for a Superman cape with stereo speakers. Now I might be old-fashioned, but I remember the good ol' days when a kid, if he wanted to be Superman, took his beat-up blankie, safety-pinned it around his neck, and made his own swooshing noises. This device will probably be on the sale shelf come January along with the Fantastic Four Electronic Thing Hands (feet available too). The Darth Vader voice-changing-mask-with-breathing-effects probably won't be there though because...well, Darth Vader is just cool. Evan would probably want one.

One more thing to make me even more jaded during this retail season: the Walmart toy catalog. I was perusing this over at my folks' house. Included in the magazine are stickers that say "I want this!" or "Wouldn't mind this!" that your shopping-savvy-little-junior can stick all over the catalog (apparently the stickers were too small for "You don't buy me this, you're gonna see the mother-of-all-tantrums-for-the-next-three-weeks-MOM")

I'm glad my kids are still young enough that anything wrapped up in gift wrap is cool. And for Alex, well, just the gift wrap itself is a wild visual experience (but then again, that's what the fiber optic tree is for!)

Neurotic mother thought #267492

2005-11-23T13:21:00.000-08:00

I've noticed a lot of flattened birds on the road in my area. I've actually seen a bird become road kill once. Can we say "explosion of feathers?"

My main concern is this: with all the flattened birds around, how am I going to know whether or not to report another oubreak of West Nile virus to the CDC? How do I know that these birds weren't run over by an SUV postmortem???

Toot toot chugga chugga

2005-11-19T18:09:00.000-08:00

Was a wild and exhausting day for all of us. We went to ride on THOMAS! Well, we didn't actually ride on Thomas...more like behind him. I would think that the ride itself would be anticlimactic for a three year old. You're not actually riding Thomas, and when you're in the passenger car, you can't really see Thomas. And it's not like Thomas has a signature voice, so he's not talking to you either. So really, what you're doing is riding this rickety old passenger car for about fifteen minutes, staring out the window at beautiful, scenic Perris, CA, while adults try to overcompensate for the experience ("Ooooh! Look, let's wave frantically at everyone we're passing by on the train because dammit we've got to get our sixteen dollars' worth of train experience in somehow!!! Say hi to everyone, Trevor dearie!!!!").

Actually it was funny to watch parents' enthusiasm surpassing their kids'. This usually happens, I believe, at things like parades, visits with Santa/Easter bunny/etc., and events that parents can't believe they're shelling out the big $$$ for (can we say Wiggles concert??? At $50/ticket, including any child over 12 months, someone better be having a good time...)

I have to admit that the Thomas day wasn't that bad. The railway museum had lots of old cars, and working streetcars. I would probably take Michael back on a non-Thomas day to look around and talk with the grumpy old guys who volunteer. My son's favorite part? The signal garden-- a little garden where they had different types of railway signals and traffic lights that you could turn on with buttons. I think he spent about ten minutes here...my kid's a traffic light enthusiast-- really. He builds them with his Duplos, then lines them all up.

Evan is enjoying the weekend off. This is part of his birthday gift-- Friday evening, Saturday, and part of Sunday, kid-free. I asked him what the cash value of this would be...he said $200. Yeah right...not with two kids waking up at different times in the middle of the night (2am, 4am, 6:45am...). I think he's seeing Harry Potter and getting lots of sleep. Sad what becomes so absolutely wonderful and luxurious once you have kids (A trip to the grocery store without a toddler??? Woohoo! AND I can go and grab lunch without having to wait for someone to get tired of playing in the fountain??? All right!!!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVAN AND I EXPECT SOMETHING SIMILAR ONCE SMALL-AND-AWFUL-NUMBER-TWO WEANS!!!

Whoops, naptime is over. Next chapter-- toy catalogs in the mail. Yipe.

Holy matrimony Batman...

2005-11-17T16:01:00.000-08:00

Today, as I was picking up Michael from preschool, he declared that he was going to marry Madison. Awww... I think it's only because they have cubbies next to each other. Now I know that the whole marriage thing wasn't Michael's idea-- it never is the guy's idea, right? My guess is that he was hooked into the game by one of his girl friends and ordered to marry someone. (Note: that is NOT how his Dad got married...although he does get ordered around a lot by bossy females...hmm...trend?)

Michael also received another invitation for another three-year-old's birthday party. I think it's one of those invited-the-whole-class-of-twenty-seven-kids kinds of parties. Yikes. Honestly-- what parent in their right mind would want to spend the Sunday after Thanksgiving entertaining twenty seven preschoolers? I have to ask Michael, "Do you play with this kid at school?" in order to determine whether or not to go, and is this kid a good enough friend that I'm willing to sacrifice a couple of hours to stand around with a bunch of parents that I don't know, watching twenty seven holy terrors get high on cupcake.

Probably not.

Alex has displayed his extreme dislike for the mall. That trait is also on the Y chromosome in this family. It's going to be a looooooong holiday season. Ever since Michael turned two, I've developed an extreme dislike for Hallosgivingmas (because that's what it really is now, isn't it?)...

I'm being paged. Alex is up.

2005-11-16T16:23:00.000-08:00

Whaaa? A can of Ovaltine- a musical instrument- the redefined "dumb look!"

2005-11-16T15:30:00.000-08:00

You gotta love kids programming...

Was watching Little Einsteins with Michael the other day. Apparently their rocket works when the characters pat their laps (and chant, "Pat pat pat pat..." to the rhythm of whatever classical hook du jour that they're drilling into your heads). We're all urged to pat our laps with the characters, raise our arms, sing along with Leo, Annie, June, and Quincy. What I love is this:

Leo: Can you help me find Rocket?
<<>>
Leo: Great! Clap your hands with me...

Of course, the whole time this is going on, my kid is just staring at the television in a CRT-induced stupor. I wonder what percentage of kids actually interact with the TV. I'm guessing that those that do are probably the "high energy" ones (you know which ones I'm talking about) that should probably be outside in the first place. Of course, that's probably better than CRT-induced stupor...

I have to admit, I do enjoy watching it myself though. But why-oh-why do they give the one character who isn't the best singer the majority of the singing parts? I end up with a classical hook in my head for the rest of the day, just off key enough to drive me nuts...

Oh, and other evidence that children have become accessories for some people. Yes, I would like to spend $200plus on a cashmere outfit for my baby...I'm sure that the curdled-milk-spitup just washes right out...

Do I sound a bit grumpy? Well I have good reason. Get this: because of vacation plans, Michael will probably be attending 9 days of preschool next month. So how much do I have to pay for a month? The full price for the month. Let's see...that amounts to $49.44/day or $12.36/hour. And they wonder why people don't put their kids in preschool...

Test post one...random thoughts

2005-11-14T13:44:00.000-08:00

Michael's feet look HUGE. Alex...well, that baby just ain't photogenic (neither was his brother). He looks better in person. We all do, probably. I sometimes wonder if parents are wired to think their babies are cute as an evolutionary tactic to keep us from abandoning them somewhere...

Am watching Amazing Stories and finishing off Costco bag of Halloween candy. Lots of Snickers Fun Size left. Here's how you don't lose that baby fat-- you sit around, nurse, and finish off leftover pumpkin pie, Halloween candy, and-- oh-- almond croissant from Whole Foods that you bought as an impulse-I'm-starving-while-shopping purchase.

Ways to spend oodles of money: buy new TV, buy custom built cabinet for brand new TV, hire someone to steam clean the spitup stains out of your carpet, hire someone to fix that leaky faucet in the tub, hire someone to watch your kid a few hours a day so that you could watch another kid a few hours a day... To Do List: hire somone to steam clean the spitup stains out of carpet, hire someone to fix that leaky faucet in the tub, find ways not to spend too much money...

Saw 2005 version of P&P. Let's hear it for dirt!!! The authentic lighting of the time was appreciated (dark, except for candle/lanternlight), even though some things weren't quite period. Still liked all the dirt though. Missed all the caricatures-- didn't have time to fully include them all.