Grrr...

Me (to Alex, handing him an animal cracker): What do you think this is?

(Kinda like a weird-shaped rabbit-headed horse...goat?)

Alex: Uh...a cookie.

(Duh, Mom...)

Classic Elf Yourself

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

No, DISCO!!!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Maybe the country is better?

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Your daughter is running through the house naked, wreaking havoc.

Now imagine that same statement, sixteen years later.

BIG difference.

SAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!

In the past few weeks, Sam has managed to break:

- her floor lamp (glass shade, it figures...shattered that one all over her carpet)
- one of my big 12 ounce drinking glasses (shattered that one all over the kitchen floor).

She also gets into the Tupperware cupboard, saucepan drawer, and laundry basket. Today I had to keep her from crawling on the pool table (Alex has been playing with the pool balls and left the step stool next to the table). She has also gotten into the fireplace, and thrown about the bits of fluff that are supposed to help the ceramic log radiate heat. (At first I thought it was a REALLY big dust bunny, but nope).

I'm trying to be vigilant and have a glass-free three foot radius around this kid. But it's hard. She's quick, determined, and mean. (Just like her mama...?) She frequently crawls over her brothers and parents if they're lying down on the floor.

Evan has nicknamed each of the babies.

Michael was/is (depending on the time of day and his craziness level) Captain Awful.
Alex is the Lord of Evil. (We still love him, of course...)

Sam shall henceforth be known as Destructo-baby.

Who'd have thought that we'd have to babyproof the house for the THIRD kid! You would think that as parents of two other kids, we'd have gotten adequate practice to prepare for her.

We didn't. I've got to stock up on plastic tumblers now.

All about Alex...

There are some things that I have to jot down about my middle child before senility makes me forget.

- We were passing by the Reagan Library, and Alex was struggling to remember the word "museum." It was a lot of "That building...that building...that building..." while his little brain was struggling to come up with the word.

I finally told him, "Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Mu-seeeeeee-ummmmm!"

"Yeah, museum. Mom...Barack Obama sleeps there."

Well, I guess when he's in the area...he'll have a fine view of our development and former Air Force One.

The logic that Alex used to come up with that conclusion definitely does make sense though. It's a presidential library and museum, therefore, you must have presidents there. I didn't want to get into the whole "president-elect" status details...

- The kids have heard much about Obama because we are a fully blue, Democratic household. Evan frequently jokes about how our kids could be gay, transgendered, video game addicts, dictators of small South American countries...but if they're REPUBLICAN, they're out of the house. Well, who would be the ONE kid that I would catch chanting, "John Mc-CAIN! John Mc-CAIN! John Mc-CAIN!"

Alex, "contrary" is your middle name. Or it should've been anyway. Although I have to give the kid points for knowing the Republican candidate's name. And how much it would probably cheese off his dad if he chanted it repeatedly.

- When washing hair now, Alex insists on using "air conditioning" on his head after his shampoo.

Oh, Alex...

Kookie Krazy...or just plain krazy...

So today I had Alex and Sam. We went to a Moms Club activity at this place called Kookie Krazy. Imagine Coldstone Creamery, except instead of ice cream, you get raw cookie dough. And you bake it after you mash it all up together. Sounds like a wonderful experience to have with your small children, doesn't it?

Well, imagine it thusly...

Child #1 is prone to wandering around the store without any fear, scoping out the back room where a DVD is playing, not exhibiting ANY interest in what the store actually SELLS. Child #2 is extremely grumpy and tired of being confined to the stroller. Exhausted Mother buys THREE balls of cookie dough, thinking that she will make one for the third child who is at school.

Exhausted Mother somehow manages to balance and carry three pie tins of cookie dough and mix-ins to a table while pushing the stroller with bellowing child #2. Child #1 is hopefully somewhere in the vicinity.

After Child #1 is coaxed to the table with a carton of milk, Child #2 starts to scream in an attempt to force Exhausted Mother to extricate her from stroller-strappy-belt prison. Child #2 is taken out of the stroller.

Exhausted Mother is now left with only ONE free hand to somehow mash together cookie dough, Kit Kat bits, and Kissables, while simultaneously trying to keep Child #2 from grabbing the whole plate and flinging it to the floor. Child #1 is sipping milk, engrossed in Toy Story 2, and not noticing cookie dough at all.

Exhausted Mother has now moved on to mashing together the second ball of cookie dough (sugar) with chocolate chips (her reward for bringing Child #1 and Child #2 to Moms Club event). Child #2 is fed bits of cookie dough (Pasteurized! No worries!) to keep her from grabbing chocolate chips. Child #1 is still oblivious of anything other than movie.

Exhausted Mother finally realizes that similar to prior strawberry picking excursions, art activities, and crafts, she will end up doing the work that Child #1 was SUPPOSED to be doing for some sort of enriching, tactile experience. Smoosh, smoosh, done. Okay, so only one side of the cookie has M&Ms...it's done.

Exhausted Mother's left hand has raw cookie dough all over it. Child #2 is eyeing M&Ms. Child #1 still hasn't moved.

15 minutes cooking time later...

Child #1 isn't even interested in finished product. Apparently this kid does not like dessert.

Child #2 ate a third of Exhausted Mother's cookie reward.

Exhausted Mother needs a mojito.

What cracks me up is the owner of the store was there telling me how it was such a great one-on-one activity to have with the kids, to make memories of time spent together, to really bond...

Ummm, yeah.

Good cookies though.